


I lost her once

by Hellokaelyn



Category: NCIS
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Happy Ending, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2020-05-07 17:50:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19214467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hellokaelyn/pseuds/Hellokaelyn
Summary: Nick lost her once although not permanently, but this time it would be.





	I lost her once

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RoguePrincessDanie86](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoguePrincessDanie86/gifts).



How was it possible that you could be surrounded by so many people but still feel utterly alone?   
  
It was something Nick wondered sitting in a full waiting room. He even had a person on each side of him, but still he felt so alone.   
  
All he wanted was one person, and that was impossible. He just wanted Ellie..but she wasn't there.   
  
Her parents sat beside him, Gibbs on the other, her brothers, McGee, Vance, Jimmy, Kasie, Ducky, Jack, Abby, Delilah, Tony, Ziva, Breena..they were all there but it certainly didn't feel like it.   
  
He felt alone, cold, empty. It scares him if he really thinks about it because is this what it would feel like without her? He lost her once before but she was still there..this time if he loses her again..she wouldn't be at all.   
  
His hands shake at the thought, he bites down the cry that tries to escape. Barbara places her hand over his, and without thinking about it he turns his hand to grip hers tightly. Gibbs places a hand on his shoulder and he can feel everyone's eyes on him but he couldn't care less. They had been taking glances at him for hours.   
  
Nick knows what they're thinking. Pity for him, that they hope she makes it for him, as if he'd fall apart if she doesn't (he knows he would).   
  
They had been dating for two years, not counting the bump in between. Two years of kisses, love, comfort, laughter, happy and sad tears, dumb fights, jokes, great sex, happiness. Ellie had become.. _everything_.   
  
His head snapped up along with everyone else's as the doors opened at the end of the hall and Ellie's doctor walked towards them.   
  
"How is she?" Barbara asked, voice demanding but shaky.   
  
Ellie's doctor sighed. His heart sank. "She's alive, and that's what you should focus on-"  
  
"Just tell us the truth." Paul Bishop interrupted, his jaw clenching.   
  
"She's alive, but it's going to be a fight-"  
  
Nick felt any warmth leave his body and a tightening feeling in his chest as he went on.   
  
_A miracle if she makes it through the week.._  
  
 _Always a chance of infection.._  
  
 _Heart stopped during surgery.._  
  
 _If she falls into a coma.._  
  
 _Might not wake up.._  
  
"There has to be something you can do!" Nick said loudly interrupting him explaining. Nick was tired of hearing all the things that could go wrong because they _couldn't_. Ellie was a _fighter_.  
  
"Torres-" Gibbs tried saying, but Nick shook off his hand.  
  
"No! You're a damn doctor, there should be something you can do!"  
  
He could feel all their eyes on him once more burning holes in his skin.   
  
"I'm sorry Agent Torres-"  
  
"I lost her once!" Nick shouted, voice breaking. "I'm not going to lose her again! Especially not like this!"   
  
A cry slipped through, his walls crumbling to dust.   
  
Nick turned and shoved past Tony and Ziva as he ran. Ran away from Ellie, the stares, the suffocating smell of disinfectant that was slowly choking him.   
  
Outside of the hospital he slid down the buildings wall, his heartbreaking sobs rang out into the night air.   
  
Last time he lost her, he at least knew she was alive and safe. Even if things were ruined between them..he knew there was always a chance.   
  
_"Ellie will you just stop!" Nick shouted, following her around his apartment as she grabbed things that were hers, throwing them into a bag._  
  
 _"No! Screw you Nick!" ._  
  
 _He flinched as if burned by the words. "If you just let me explain!"_  
  
 _"Explain what?!" She shouted, spinning around to glare at him. Her eyes were filled with tears, face flushed with anger, but it was the look in her eyes behind the tears that made him falter. A look as if she really was done with him. "How first it was you cancelling my date with Boyd which okay we weren't dating yet but you still did it behind my back, but you did it again even when it was just two friends getting lunch, then you delete that call and text from Jake that was just him wanting to see how I was, and then you go see him to tell him to leave me alone!"_  
  
 _"Ellie-"_  
  
 _"Oh but let's not forget how yesterday you went out to dinner with one of your ex's but what, that's okay?!" She spat out, snatching away her bag that he grabbed and opening the apartment door so hard it slammed back into the wall. "If you think you can control my life and tell me who I can and can't see, you can think again!"_  
  
 _"If you would just let me-"_  
  
 _"I don't want to hear your excuses!" Ellie's yell rang through the apartment. "We're done Nick."_  
  
 _He froze. Ellie slammed the door shut._  
  
 _By the time Nick got a hold of himself and ran out to catch her, she was already driving away in her truck._  
  
 _In a daze, Nick sat down on the curb staring with empty eyes across the street._   
  
"Nick?"   
  
He didn't answer.  
  
Ziva and Tony exchanged a look, sitting on either side of him.   
  
"Ellie is strong." Ziva told him. "She will make it, you just have to have faith."  
  
"Yeah she's too stubborn." Tony said with a forced chuckle. "I saw that book of crosswords on her desk, there's no way she'd go without finishing it!"  
  
Ziva glared at him from over Nick's head. Tony shrugged with a 'what?!' look.   
  
Nick still didn't say a word. He couldn't lose her permanently this time. He couldn't.   
  
Realizing he wasn't going to talk, Tony and Ziva sat with him in silence. Ziva resting her head on his shoulder as she whispered Hebrew lullabies that kept him from drowning in his thoughts.   
  


* * *

  
  
Hours later he sat beside her bed clutching her hand with bloodshot eyes. A combination of not sleeping and crying.   
  
He tried sleeping earlier but had woken up in a panic attack, scaring Barbara and Robbie half to death. It took him a while to convince Robbie he was okay, the youngest Bishop brother was taking it harder than even Barbara. It was moments like that that Nick remembered Robbie was barely two years older than Ellie but acted like the youngest in so many ways.   
  
But finally Nick was alone in her hospital room.   
  
Taking a glance at the shut door, he pulled something out of his jacket pocket. A ring box. Nick let out a shuddering breath as he opened it and looked at the ring inside.  
  
Tears slid down his face.  
  
Ellie had been on her way to see him when the other car hit hers. On her way to the proposal she didn't know about.   
  
"I was going to ask you to marry me you know." He whispered with a sniffle. "I wanna spend the rest of my life with you Ellie..all I need is for you to say yes."

 

* * *

  
  
Ellie woke up four days later. The first time no one was awake, but she never said a word about it. Her mind was foggy and she still wasn't fully aware, but she knew what she saw and remembered later. That image of Nick and Robbie cuddled together sleeping on the couch in her room calmed her panicked confusion and helped her fall back asleep.   
  
The second time she woke up, it was to Nick and her parents. She only had seconds to take them in before her doctor and a nurse came in. It was obvious none of them slept much but it was looking at Nick that made her want to jump out of the bed and hug him. His eyes were bloodshot, bags under his eyes, beard growing, his hair lacking the attention he gave it every morning, and he was wearing a shirt that wasn't skin tight along with sweatpants she only saw him wear around the apartment.   
  
She didn't care about what was wrong with her, whatever the doctor was saying, she just wanted to make this rough pained looking Nick feel better.   
  
"Nick.." She said, not sounding like herself but hoping it was heard.   
  
His eyes locked with hers as she weakly shoved the doctors hands away. "Want Nick.." She mumbled weakly, Ellie wanted to scream as she felt herself grow tired. Not yet..   
  
Nick practically shoved his way through, hand gripping hers as he smoothed a hand over her hair stopping to rest on her cheek. "It's okay babe, I'm not going anywhere."   
  
Ellie nodded the best she could. "'Kay.."   
  
Nick breathed out a sigh of relief as her eyes shut. He ignored the doctors slightly annoyed look because _fuck him_.  
  
Barbara shared a happy look with Paul, their daughter was going to be okay, they knew it. Especially with the love practically radiating off Ellie and the man they had considered another son for a while.

 

* * *

  
  
The next time Ellie woke up it was to an empty room but as her eyes scanned the room, she noticed Nick talking on his phone right outside the door. It gave her some time to wake up before he came back in.  
  
"You're awake!" He said with a grin as he came to sit in the chair next to her bed.   
  
Ellie smiled. "Hi."  
  
Nick smiled back, his eyes no longer bloodshot from what she remembered, meaning he must have finally slept for longer than what he did on that couch with Robbie. "Hi babe."  
  
"Nick?"  
  
"Yeah?" His hand held hers, thumb moving along the back of her hand.   
  
"Yes."  
  
Nick's eyes widened. "Uh what?"  
  
"Yes." Ellie said, small smirk forming.   
  
"Are you- what- is this- what?"  
  
She laughed at his stumbling, it was always cute when her confident and cool boyfriend turned into a fumbling mess like he often made her.   
  
"I'm saying yes you doofus..I want to marry you too."  
  
"How did you- you..heard me?"  
  
Ellie grinned and nodded. "So?"  
  
He returned the grin, a laugh so happy it made her stomach flutter as he reached into his pocket and took out the ring, apparently carrying it around all this time, and slid it onto her finger.   
  
Nick got up, leaning down to press a kiss to her lips. Ellie hummed happily as she kissed him back.   
  
Her _fiancé_ (they were getting married!) took out his phone and quickly took a picture of their intertwined hands, her engagement ring on display.   
  
"Nick what're you doing?" She asked with a chuckle.  
  
He only grinned and held up a finger when he put his phone away.   
  
Ellie got her answer when seconds later she heard a loud commotion outside her room that sounded like cheering. A few more seconds later practically everyone she loved was trying to shove themselves into the room with wide grins, not caring about hospital policy.   
  
She laughed loudly, ignoring the slight sharp pain at the action because _screw that_ , she was engaged and happy!  
  
  



End file.
